


That One Time At Your Place

by GreenFish



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 20:37:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenFish/pseuds/GreenFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelly has a birthday party at her apartment. Things get a little out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That One Time At Your Place

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LiveJournal.

Kelly loves birthdays. She grew up with four sisters, and had about thirty cousins, so it seemed like her family was always celebrating somebody's birthday. Of course, her own birthday is her favorite. This year, she's decided to have a big party at her apartment and invite all of her co-workers. Usually, she would just go visit her friends that live in Philly, but she's tired of always going to them. They can come to her this year. It's _her_ birthday, after all. 

If she's really being honest, she'll admit that the real reason she doesn't want to drive all the way down to Philly is because she's depressed.

She and Darryl got in a huge fight about two weeks ago when she called his daughter an "annoying little brat." She is, though! The girl got into her makeup bag and ruined, like, three tubes of Kelly's Urban Decay lipstick, which are almost fifteen bucks a tube. She works to afford that stuff, you know? 

Darryl totally took the little brat's side, though, and told her they needed to "chill" for a while. She hasn't talked to him since they had that conversation, even though she left him, like, fifteen voice mails and twenty text messages. 

Whatever. He'll come back around. Ryan always did.

Speaking of Ryan, she totally didn't plan on doing it, but that day, she e-mails Ryan and invites him to her birthday party. Not that she expects him to come, because he _never_ talks to her anymore, not even when he's in their office for work and she's wearing a really sexy outfit, but -- who knows? If he shows up, at least she'll have someone to make out with on her birthday. And if he gets drunk enough, he'll probably go down on her. She hasn't had that, in like, two-and-a-half weeks. 

When she gets into the office that morning, she stops at Pam's desk. 

"Pam. You didn't RSVP on the Evite. You're coming to my party on Saturday, right?"

"Oh," Pam says, looking up. 

Pam is wearing this hideous purple sweater today. Actually, the color is _awesome_ , but the sweater itself is totally boring. Of course, most of Pam's clothes are boring, but what can you do? Some people will never learn.

"Um, I just needed to check with Jim, so--"

"Oh, no problem -- I'll ask him!" Kelly bounds over to Jim's desk. He's pulling a bag of marbles out of his bottom drawer as she sidles up next to him. Making a face, she says, "What is that for?"

"Uh," Jim says. "Kind of hard to explain. They're ... for Dwight."

"Dwight likes to play marbles?" Kelly asks.

"Something like that," Jim says. He glances over at Pam, who snorts. 

Those two are so weird sometimes. What's so funny about a bag of marbles? "Well, anyway," Kelly says, rolling her eyes, "I wanted to see if you were coming on Saturday, because Pam said she had to ask you, so I figured I'd just ask, and you know, you totally have to come, because it's going to be awesome!"

"I..." Jim starts.

"I mean, of _course_ it's going to be awesome, it's my birthday, and you know, I always put on really good parties. Even though I've never seen you at one of them." She makes a face. "Why haven't you ever come to one, anyway, I mean--"

"Well --" Jim tries again.

"Seriously, Jim, you and Pam _are_ coming, aren't you? It'll be so much fun."

"Oh," Jim says, looking over at Pam again. 

It's ridiculous. Those two are like, co-dependent. They can't do anything without consulting each other. Kelly would kill herself if she were ever in a relationship like that, because -- seriously. 

"I mean, yeah, I _think_ we were planning on stopping by..." Jim says, trailing off. Kelly sees him look up at Pam again and mouth, "Right?" to her.

Kelly turns around, and Pam nods enthusiastically and says, "Oh, yeah -- I mean -- yeah, we'll be there, Kelly."

"Awesome," Kelly says. "You guys will have _so_ much fun. I make these awesome apple martinis." She looks over at Pam, suddenly serious. "You are going to get so drunk, Pam. I know you can't hold your liquor for shit."

Pam's jaw drops as Kelly turns to head back to her desk. She wonders why Pam looks so surprised. It's totally true. Pam is a complete lightweight. Because, hello -- _the Dundies?_ She makes a mental note to water down Pam's shots at the party. Honestly, she doesn't need puke all over her brand new pink shag rug. Those things cost a fortune to get cleaned. 

Kelly should know. 

(It was a lucky thing Darryl paid for that, because she'd totally blown the rest of her paycheck on these awesome leather boots at Aldo, so.)

===

Jim's sprawled out across Pam's couch, his feet hanging off the edge. "Any year now, Beesly!" he calls out to her. She's still in the bathroom, getting ready for Kelly's party. Why she's taking so much time to get ready, he has no idea. It's just Kelly, after all. The party's just going to be a bunch of their co-workers and maybe a couple of Kelly's ditzy friends. So what.

He wishes they didn't have to go at all. He'd be a lot happier just sitting around her apartment watching a movie. Pam, of course, blames the fact that they're going on _him_. Like it's somehow his fault Kelly railroaded them into going. Kelly had started talking in that awful high-pitched voice at a mile a minute, and he'd found himself agreeing just to get her to shut up. It suddenly occurs to him that _this_ is the reason Ryan stayed with her for so long -- he couldn't figure out how to tell her no. 

Well. That makes two of them, apparently.

Pam finally comes out of the bathroom. She's wearing a little green dress he's never seen before: it's got spaghetti straps and it's cut really, really low, so his eyes immediately gravitate towards her chest, where he can see just a hint of cleavage, her smooth white skin contrasting brightly against the dark green neckline. He feels his stomach flip over and he stands up slowly, letting her come to him. He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her close. The material is thin and silky, and, just -- wow.

"We don't _have_ to go to this party, you know," he says, his voice low.

"Mm," Pam says, a small smile creeping up her face. "Yes, we do."

"I don't know, I just think that there's other important -- more important things we could be doing." His right hand drifts down and strokes the outline of her bottom. God. He's already getting hard. 

"Yeah, except --" she pulls away from him, slinking backwards, a teasing grin on her face, "-- someone agreed that we would go to this birthday party tonight, and, you know, we've already committed, so..."

Jim takes two rapid steps forward and pulls her back into his embrace. "I think that _someone_ was an idiot and didn't know what he was saying." He leans down to kiss her on the neck. "That someone also had no idea there was a green dress involved --" he kisses her lightly on the clavicle, "--and that it would be low cut--" he kisses her between her breasts, "--and that it would do such amazing things to the woman who was wearing it." His hand comes up to cup her left breast. He feels her shiver slightly, her breath coming out in short puffs.

"Jim," she says, more sternly. She pushes him away, but he notices her cheeks are flushed. She licks her lips quickly. "We're going to this party." She gives him a long look, her mouth turning up slightly. "You're just going to have to wait."

Jim's eyes go wide, and he glances downward. Even under his jeans, it's obvious he's got an erection. "I hate you," he says.

She grins now, turning on her heel. "Good things come to those who wait," she says, grabbing her purse by the door. "Come on. We're already late!"

===

Ryan had gotten the Evite on Monday. He didn't respond to it, not even to say that he wouldn't be coming, because he didn't want Kelly to think that he was reading her e-mails. 

When they had first broken up, her e-mails were angry, short missives, riddled with words like "jackass" and "thoughtless bastard!" and had been many in number, as many as forty a day. He wondered how she got any work done at all. He had put a call into the IT guy to log her e-mail, to see how much of her day was spent writing them. He even tried to convince David Wallace to let him fire her, but the guy wouldn't listen. What was the point of being a corporate manager if you couldn't even lay off your (annoying) subordinates? 

Eventually, the firestorm died down (around the time Kelly started dating Darryl, Ryan estimated), and lately, she only e-mailed him once in a while. The e-mails became overly casual, suspiciously so: "How're things in New York? Meet any interesting people?" and, "We should go out for coffee sometime, to catch up." 

Catch up. Yeah, right. He had absolutely _nothing_ to catch up with Kelly Kapoor on. His quality of life wouldn't suffer in the least if he never spoke to her again. Of course, the same could be said for Michael Scott, but that was a whole other can of worms.

That week, she had e-mailed him three more times to check about the Evite. "Did you get the Evite?" and, "Are you coming to the party, Ryan? It'll be totally cool, a bunch of my friends are coming. It's casual." And, "When did Ryan Howard ever pass up free booze?"

 _Now, actually._ There was absolutely no reason he should go to this party.

Which is why he has no idea why he's in Scranton on a Saturday night, heading over to Kelly Kapoor's apartment.

===

Jim is surprised how many people are already at Kelly's apartment when they get there. The living room is a mixture of co-workers and unfamiliar faces. He immediately spots Dwight and Andy, sitting on opposite sides of Kelly's coffee table, engaged in a war of arm-wrestling. Angela is sitting on the very corner of Kelly's loveseat, drinking a can of Sprite, pretending not to be interested in the competition. 

They had walked in without knocking, per the instructions that Kelly had left on her door. The sign was littered with hearts and glitter and drawings of martini glasses. The apartment seems to carry on the theme, with cutout drawings of cocktail glasses hanging from the ceiling, Christmas lights draped from the walls, and -- Jim glances down at the floor. Wow. A pink shag rug. Yeah, that seems just about right.

Kelly spots them as they come in, and after depositing a (pink) martini glass in the hands of a guest, she bounds over to them, jumping up and down. "Jim! Pam! I'm sooo glad you guys made it!"

She immediately pulls Jim into a tight hug and then ambushes Pam as she's taking her coat off. Jim can't help but smile as Pam gives him a look. He holds up his wrist and taps at his watch as if to say, "We won't stay that long."

"Okay," Kelly says after she's finished her greeting ritual. "I know you guys want something to drink. I'm totally making you one of my martinis, Pam -- do you like martinis, Jim? I know they're not really a guy thing, but they taste sooo good..."

"Actually, I think a beer would be --"

She doesn't wait for him to finish before skipping ahead of them into the kitchen.

"You're not into fruity drinks, Jim?" Pam asks. She grins. "Because I seem to recall a recent dinner at Cooper's where you had a few, what were they called --?"

"That was different," Jim cuts in. "That was a date. With you. And I'll have you know --"

"Ah, yes, the _Emerald Island Martini,_ " Pam says in an awful Irish accent.

"Wow. You really cannot do an Irish accent," Jim says.

"And you get really drunk on girly drinks," Pam grins as they walk into the kitchen together.

"In my defense, Pam, I had, like, six of those -- or more, I don't know. There were a lot of them. I know that."

"Hm," Pam says with a small smile. 

Kelly is already pouring streams of brightly colored liqueurs into a chrome shaker like an old pro -- she appears completely in her element. "So, Jim," she says, "are you going to surrender your man-pride so you can try one of my awesome martinis?"

He sees Pam trying not to laugh next to him. "I think I'm just going to stick with beer, thanks," he replies, heading towards the fridge.

Kelly shrugs, pouring two drinks out into (purple) martini glasses. She drops cherries into both of them. Jim raises his eyebrows as he cracks the top off his beer. 

"Very impressive, Kelly," he says. "Looks like you really know what you're doing, here."

She nods, obviously trying not to look overly pleased. "I learned a little bit in college," she says. 

Pam nods as well, looking surprised as she takes a sip. "This is pretty good, Kelly," she says. "You were right; I can't taste the alcohol at all."

"I told you. A couple of these babies and you and Jim will be gettin' fris-kay," Kelly sings, winking at Jim. 

Jim's eyes go wide. He automatically checks for a cameraman in the vicinity -- before remembering that they haven't been around for months, because of the union strike. Thank God for little victories, he thinks.

"Yeah, we'll see," Pam says. Jim notices her glance at him quickly before heading into the living room.

Hmm. Interesting.

===

It isn't until Ryan gets inside the apartment and sees Andy and Dwight arm wrestling (of course) that he realizes if they're there, Michael might be at this party. 

Oh, God. 

"Ryyy-an!" a familiar voice calls out. 

It isn't too late to turn around, he thinks. He could fake being violently ill. Food poisoning, or --

"I didn't know you were invited!" Michael slides up to him, wearing a too-tight sateen dress shirt, his hair slicked up into some kind of a faux-hawk, what --? 

Ryan resists the urge not to burst out laughing. Because, _seriously_. "I, uh..."

"Ohmigod, Ryan, you _came!_ " Her voice pierces through the noise of the party like nails on a chalkboard. Kelly bounds up to him, a swirl of purple and sequins and -- wow. Nice cleavage. Huh.

"Yeah, well," Ryan says, racking his brain for a good reason why he's there. Why _is_ he there? He lives in New York City, for fuck's sakes, the social mecca of the east coast, and he's here in _Scranton_ , at Kelly's party? 

"I guess Mister Too-Cool-For-School must not have had much going on tonight," a droll voice next to him says.

 _Jan._ Great. He should have realized that Jan would have come with Michael. God. Why had he come to this party, again? He would have been better off ordering Chinese takeout and drinking by himself in his cockroach-infested studio than coming here. He could have gone to McNally's around the corner and sat by himself at the bar. He could have even called his boring college buddy, Ted, and met up with him for drinks. Anything but _this_.

"Oh, hey, Jan," he says. "I thought I smelled desperation and silicone."

"You're probably just smelling Jan's candles," Michael supplies. "She makes them!"

"Babe, please --" Jan starts.

"Oh -- Ryan! You would be so _great_ for this," Michael continues. "We're looking to expand the business and we--"

"Babe," Jan says again, holding her hand over Michael's mouth. She shoots Michael a dirty look. 

"Wow," Ryan says. "Candles. That's ... great." He can't help the small smile that creeps up on his face. "It's a real departure from the corporate business world."

"Oh, yeah --" Jan says, nodding, her hand still over Michael's mouth. He's flailing now, trying to get her to let go. "I really don't miss the rat-race, you know? Things are going _great_ , just, really -- great." Ryan notices her jaw is clinched.

 _You know,_ he thinks. _Just seeing this made the whole trip worthwhile._

Jan finally lets go of Michael's mouth, addressing him before he can start talking again. "Michael, I really need a drink."

"But I wanted to talk to Ry--"

" _Now_ , sweetie." 

Ryan watches Michael take off. He opens his mouth to ask Jan about her candle business, but Kelly interrupts.

"So, Ryan," she says, looking at him from lowered eyelashes. "Seriously. It is _so_ good to see you." He notices her pushing her tits together. And so what? They look fucking _fantastic._

 _So this is why I came,_ he thinks. He is definitely going to make out with Kelly tonight. That is: if Darryl isn't around. He wonders if they're still dating -- or having sex; whatever it is that Kelly does with him. (Ryan's still convinced she only went out with Darryl to get back at him. She was never really into black guys.)

"I have to say, though," Jan starts again. "I'm just surprised you had nothing better to do on a Friday night than to drive three hours to come here. I mean --" She raises her eyebrows. "New York City -- there's just, you know, so much there for a young single guy like yourself, right? But you came here?" 

Fuck you, Jan, he thinks. He wants nothing more than to wipe that pompous little smirk off her face. Like she should talk, anyway. She's the one that got fired from her high-paid position in New York, only to be replaced by _him_ , a former temp with almost no sales experience. She's the one that moved in with Michael Scott, a man who probably could probably be considered functionally retarded, by most standards. She's the one whose naked vacation pictures circulated throughout the entire company. She has _no_ room to talk.

"I don't know," Ryan says. "I mean, You came all the way from New York to _live_ here. I'm just visiting." He shrugs and turns to Kelly. "How about making me a drink?"

"Totally!" Kelly says, and wraps her arm around his shoulder. Even if she is still messing around with Darryl, it's obvious she wants him, so. He predicts that she'll be giving him a blowjob by the end of the night. She was always really good at oral.

"What do you want?" she asks. "The usual?"

"Do you have the stuff to make a Manhattan?" he asks.

"Are you kidding me? That's, like, super easy. No problem!"

"Isn't that clever?" he hears Jan saying to Michael, who's come back with her drink. "Big city boy drinking a Manhattan."

"Hey," Michael says. "That's funny. I wonder if everyone from New York drinks Manhattans..."

Ryan rolls his eyes as he follows Kelly into the kitchen, patting her ass as he does so. 

"Ryan!" she says, but she winks at him, pulling a bottle of Jack Daniels from her cabinet. 

===

Pam realizes a few hours into the party that Kelly's friends are not that different from Kelly. They talk a lot, and about things that don't really matter -- like clothes, and actors, and TV shows like _The Hills_. Pam is pretty sure that Michael watches that show. She considers calling him over just so this girl that she's talking to will stop talking to her, already. 

She also realizes that they've been at Kelly's apartment for a few hours -- much longer than she'd intended to stay. And that she's kind of drunk now. 

Kelly was not kidding. Her drinks really are pretty strong -- a lot stronger than they taste. 

She finds her eyes wandering around the room, taking in what's going on. The party is a weird mix of people -- her coworkers, Kelly's shallow friends, and some guys that introduced themselves as Kelly's neighbors, but who knew? Right now, they're sitting around Kelly's coffee table pouring Rumple Minze into a bong. She's surprised Kelly's not freaking out right now. No, scratch that: she's surprised Dwight's not freaking out right now, threatening a citizen's arrest, or something.

Then again, the last time she saw Dwight, he was not-so-secretly following Andy and Angela down to the parking lot. She feels bad for Dwight; she's been there before, and it sucked. Still, why he's working that hard for _Angela_ , she will never understand. Love is weird, she thinks. 

In front of her, the girl is still blathering on about something -- purse parties? Something not important, that's all she knows. 

She wonders where Jim went. She hasn't seen him in a while, but then again, she's been stuck talking to this stupid girl for the last twenty minutes, and oh my God, her head feels like it's going to explode. 

Michael wanders into her sight, checking out his reflection in one of Kelly's numerous mirrors (seriously, she has mirrors _everywhere_ ), and she jumps on the opportunity, practically shouting for him. He immediately bounds over to her like an excited puppy. _Ah, Michael,_ she thinks.

"Hey," she says, putting on a fake smile. "Jessica, here -- it is Jessica, right?"

"Yeah," the girl says, taking the moment's breather to finish off her drink.

"Jessica was just telling me about these purse parties she hosts. Remember when that girl Katy came to our office, to sell purses?" Pam's stretching, and she knows it, but she's just _got_ to get away.

"Oh, yeah," Michael says, leaning up against the wall. 

Good. He's settling in. 

"She just showed up this one afternoon with a suitcase full of purses, you wouldn't believe --" Michael goes on.

Pam takes the opportunity to slip away, and goes in search of her boyfriend. He tends to do this at parties -- go off somewhere until Pam has to eventually track him down. She wishes he'd at least warn her when he's about to escape. Sometimes she'd like to go with him. Parties like this aren't really her thing. It helps that she's kind of drunk right now, but in the background, she can hear two more of Kelly's friends arguing about whether Posh Spice or Linsday Lohan is the bigger fashion icon, and Pam's never in her life been drunk enough for _that_. 

After checking the kitchen, the balcony, and the bathroom, she finds her way back to Kelly's bedroom. When she opens the door, a cloud of sickly sweet-smelling smoke pours out. 

"Hey," someone says. "Keep the door closed."

"Oh --" Pam says, starting to back out. 

She hears Kelly laugh. "He didn't mean _leave,_ Pam -- just don't leave the door open!" she says.

"Oh," Pam says again, coming in and closing the door quickly. She glances around, her eyes coming into focus, as she sees Kelly and Ryan on the floor, Ryan's arm around her. Next to them are a couple guys Pam doesn't recognize, then a girl who Pam thinks is Jenny, or something like that? And then -- Jim? Ha. She can't help but smile. 

Jim doesn't really smoke pot. Only once in a great while, and she's only seen him do it with his old roommate, Mark. Of course, the last time he smoked, they ended up having sex in the bathroom of Mark's new apartment, and -- well. It wasn't their fault; pot makes her horny, and Jim was too high to pass up on sex. He couldn't get there, but it was great, nonetheless. 

Her mouth twists upward, and she wonders if maybe that will happen again. Thinking about it is kind of turning her on.

Jim already looks high. "Pam!" he says, gesturing for her to sit next to him. She sits down on the floor, between Jim and Kelly. "I am _very_ glad to see you," Jim says, his words slurring.

"Wow," she says. "You are _very_ fucked up right now."

"I've never seen Jim high before," Ryan says, smirking. "He is _hilarious._ " 

"Fuck you, man," Jim says, but smiles. 

Pam knows enough about pot to see that they're obviously at that stage where everything is funny. She's only smoked maybe a half a dozen times in her life (including that time at Mark's new apartment). She's not really that into it. Still. Jim's already high, and she's feeling a little loose tonight. What's the harm in letting go, right?

"You want some of this?" one of the guys across from her asks. 

Pam tries to look casual. "Sure," she says, shrugging. 

Jim immediately starts laughing. "You're going to smoke?" 

"Go Pam, go Pam, go - go -- go Pam," Kelly sings.

Ryan's eyebrows soar. "Didn't think you did that," he says, impressed.

"Well, there's a lot of things you guys don't know about me," Pam says as she takes a long drag from the glass pipe.

"Oooooh," Jim says. "Did you guys hear that?" He looks at Pam, suddenly serious. Or fake-serious. She's not sure. "Are there things you're keeping from me?" he asks.

"Um," Pam says. "No."

"Okay," Jim says, leaning back against the wall again. "Just checking."

"Hey," Kelly says. "Pam just gave me an idea. We totally have to play 'I Never.'"

"Pam and I tell each other everything," Jim announces.

"I bet you do," Ryan says. 

Pam shoots him a look, and accepts the pipe as it comes around again. She needs to be _really_ fucked up to deal with this. 

"I'll start," Kelly says.

===

They've been playing 'I Never' for a while. Maybe an hour. Or three hours. Jim isn't really sure. Time kind of moves fast. Or slow, depending on how you looked at it. Wow. That is a little too heavy of a thought for the moment.

He's learning a lot, though. For instance: he's learned that everyone in the group has cheated on someone they've dated. Including Pam. (Although he suspects Pam's just referring to the time they kissed when she was still with Roy. Well, they kissed twice, actually. Before they were dating. And now they kiss a lot. A _lot_. He likes kissing Pam.)

He also learned that Kelly has had a threesome, but Ryan hasn't. Interesting.

He wonders whether it was with two guys, or two girls. Or all girls. Man. That would be hot!

Oh, man. He shouldn't be thinking about Kelly that way. Pam would get really upset if she knew. Or would she?

He looks over at Pam, feeling everything sway as he does so. He reminds himself not to turn his head so quickly next time. He probably shouldn't have drunk so much beer before smoking the pot, he thinks. Or maybe he shouldn't have smoked the pot. It's been a long time since he's smoked, though. The last time was -- at Mark's new apartment. He smiles thinking about it.

He and Pam had sex in the bathroom. 

He so wants to have sex with Pam right now. 

"Pam," he says. 

She turns to him, licking her lips unconsciously. Damn, woman, he thinks. "I --" he starts, but stops himself. Holy crap. He was about to say that he wanted to have sex with her. Not that everyone doesn't know they're having sex. They're dating, after all. But still. That isn't the kind of thing you say in front of everyone.

"Yes?" she asks, raising her eyebrows. 

Fuck. He thinks: _She looks really, really, really hot tonight._ It was moments like this that he couldn't believe they were actually dating. That he was actually _with_ her. After all the years of hoping, and fantasizing about it...

"I... love you, Pam," he says.

Pam's mouth goes into an 'o' shape. "Okay," she says, then grins. She leans over and kisses him gently on the cheek. "I love you, too," she whispers into his ear, kissing the lobe. 

He holds her head in place there, and whispers back: "I so want to fuck you right now."

"Ho," Pam says, breathing out slowly. She turns and looks straight ahead, and Jim can tell she's trying not to react. 

He licks his lips slowly, knowing she can see him out of the corner of her eye. Oh yeah, he thinks. They are totally having sex in Kelly's bathroom later.

===

They've been in her bedroom for probably three hours now. Kelly knows she's being a bad hostess, but it's her birthday, and she really doesn't feel like trying to talk to everyone anymore. Especially now that Ryan is sitting next to her. She's been trying to get back together with him ever since -- well, ever since they broke up, and obviously, things are going well.

He showed up to her party, didn't he?

And now his hand is creeping down the back of her skirt and he's tugging at her thong. Man, she's really glad she wore a thong today. 

Kevin and Mike took off about an hour ago, and Jenny just left, so now it's just her and Ryan and Jim and Pam. They got bored of 'I Never' a while ago, and have already exhausted 'Would You Rather.'

Ryan got mad because Jim kept bringing up Dwight and Michael questions. 

She was the one who suggested they do Truth or Dare. She loves that game; it's the best way to get good gossip, and she has almost, like, no gossip on Jim or Pam. She's not sure if they're the world's most boring couple (that's what Ryan thinks) or if they just don't know all their little secrets yet (that's what she thinks). 

It's Pam's turn and she's trying to come up with a truth for Jim. 

"Okay," Pam says. "When you were with Karen -- did you ever think about me?"

"Define 'with,'" Jim says.

Pam giggles. "You know... _with_ ," Pam says. She raises her eyebrows.

"You know we never did that, Pam," Jim says, grinning.

"Liar," Pam says. "You do remember what this game is called, right?"

Wow. They are so lame, Kelly thinks. Maybe Ryan is right, after all.

"Yes," Jim says. There's a long, overly dramatic pause, then Jim continues: "And yes. The answer to your question is yes."

"Ooh," Ryan says, rolling his eyes. "I never would have guessed."

"Well," Jim says. "I guess it's on. Truth or dare, Howard."

"I'm kind of too lazy to get up right now, so I'm going to say 'truth,'" Ryan says. "Give me your best shot, Halpert."

Jim glances at Pam before looking back at Ryan. "Have you ever kissed a guy?" he asks.

Ryan shrugs. "Sure," he says.

 _What?_ Kelly thinks. He never told her that! 

"Ryan Howard," she says immediately. "Why don't I know anything about this?"

"Because it wasn't really a big deal," Ryan says. "I'm not talking about it, anyway. I answered the question."

"Was it, like, a peck on the cheek, or, like, really making out?" she asks. "I mean -- I've seen two guys make out before, it's not a big deal..."

"I'm sure you have," Ryan mumbles, frowning. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks. 

"Well, you're the one who's going around having threesomes--"

"I only did it twice," she says defensively. "And it had nothing to do with you; we weren't even dating when it happened, and it's not like we're dating now, so..."

"Twi --? Wait. What are you trying to say, Kelly?"

"Well, you won't ever return my phone calls, and you totally ignore me when I'm in the office, and then you just show up here, and --"

"You know what? I didn't come here to deal with this," Ryan says, standing up. 

"Wait -- Ryan," Kelly says, getting up as well. "I didn't mean it."

Ryan shakes his head and heads out of her bedroom. Kelly follows him. This was not how she wanted her birthday to be! They were supposed to be making out by now, damn it.

===

"Well," Pam says, looking at Jim. "That went well."

"Yeah," Jim says, looking back at her. He bites his lip, his gaze drifting down to her low neckline again. "So."

"So," Pam says.

A half-second later, Jim's tongue is in her mouth.

===

"Ryan is just an asshole," Kelly says, slamming her bedroom door behind her. She apparently doesn't notice Pam and Jim making out on the floor in front of her until she sits down.

Jim reluctantly separates from Pam, and only because Pam's pushing him back. He's sure she's worried about making Kelly uncomfortable.

He thinks: fuck Kelly. He's ready to abandon Kelly and her Ryan-drama and take Pam off to the bathroom right now. As it is, he has to change his sitting position so his hard-on isn't completely obvious. Fuck.

Stupid Kelly. Stupid party. Why couldn't they have just stayed home tonight? He already would have had sex with Pam by now if they had. Several times, even. Maybe. 

The point is, he isn't having any sex right now, and Kelly is probably about to just start going off about Ryan, and that's the last thing he really --

"Jim," Kelly says, interrupting his thoughts. "It was your turn."

Oh, he thinks. She wants to continue this? He glances over at Pam, who shrugs. 

A dirty thought suddenly takes over. "Pam," he says. "Truth or dare."

He wonders if Pam has the same thought he has when she smiles and says, "Dare." 

Probably not, he thinks, just before he says: "I dare you to kiss Kelly."

===

Pam can't believe what she's just heard. Did Jim just dare her to kiss Kelly? _Kelly Kapoor?_

Not that there are any other Kellys in the room. But, just --

"You dare me -- to kiss Kelly?" she asks him, just to make sure.

Jim nods, almost imperceptibly. "Yep," he says, biting his lower lip.

"Okay," she says, meeting his gaze, before turning and crawling a few steps to where Kelly is sitting. 

Kelly looks equally surprised as Pam leans forward, hesitantly, and presses her lips against Kelly's. She's never kissed a girl before. Kelly's lips are surprisingly soft against her own -- and she instantly responds when Pam's lips meet hers, her tongue pushing into Pam's mouth. She feels Kelly's hand come up behind her neck and pull her closer, and --

Holy shit, Pam thinks. She's making out with Kelly. She's making out with another girl. Who's her co-worker. In front of her boyfriend. 

Pam's eyes flit in his direction, and she sees Jim watching them, his hand hovering at the top of his pants, his thumb grazing his waistline. She knows he's hard right now. She can tell from the way he's sitting, trying to hide it.

She feels a low ache forming in her belly and knows she has to stop before something -- well. Wow. She is thinking really bad thoughts right now.

She gently pushes Kelly back, and slides backwards until she's sitting equally distant from both Kelly and Jim. "All right," Pam says, her voice low. She reminds herself to take deep breaths. Are they still playing the game? They are, right?

"Go ahead, Pam," Kelly says. 

Pam doesn't think she's ever heard Kelly speak like that before. It's not her usual, high-pitched, perky tone, but a deeper, softer voice -- something detached from what she's used to hearing.

"Okay," Pam says. "Kelly. Truth or dare?"

Pam sees Kelly look over at Jim first and then back at her; her eyes level with Pam's. "Dare," she says. 

She's got that look on her face; that challenge expression. Pam hasn't seen that since Darryl and Jim were competing at ping-pong and Kelly kept trash-talking her. That look that says, _Go ahead. Bring it._

She stares back at Kelly, her gaze unwavering. She doesn't think about it before she says it. "I dare you to kiss Jim."

Jim's eyes immediately go wide. His jaw drops, and he quickly looks back and forth between the two girls. 

Kelly's eyes haven't left hers. "Seriously?" she says. "Is that the best you've got?"

"Oh," Pam says. She feels a surge of anger coming up again. "Not good enough for you, then?" Kelly did not just go there, she thinks. 

"No," Kelly says. "Kissing is lame."

"Fine," Pam says, shifting to her knees, and sitting back on her heels. She folds her hands in front of her, kneading them back and forth. "I dare you ... to go down on Jim."

" _What?_ " Jim asks, as Kelly says,

"No problem," and stands up.

"Wait," Jim says. "Pam, I--"

"Don't worry, Jim," Pam says, still staring at Kelly, who is staring back at her as she kneels down in front of Jim. "I give you permission."

"I know, but, I--" His hands come out to Kelly's shoulders, trying to stop her. "Kelly," he says frantically. "You don't have to do this."

"Of course I do," Kelly says, reaching for his belt buckle. "Ryan always said I gave the best blow jobs."

"Wow, that is -- too much information," Jim says.

===

He wonders, at this point, is it _really_ too much information, if your coworker is about to give you a blowjob because your girlfriend dared her to? He's not sure. 

In fact, he really doesn't have any idea what's happening right now. How did they get to this point? Is Kelly really going to--

He yelps as Kelly practically rips his pants down off his hips. 

"Stand up on your knees, Jim," she barks, as she yanks his pants down further. As soon as she does that, his penis springs free from his boxers. 

He hears Pam giggling in the background. _I'm glad someone finds this funny_ , he thinks to himself, then groans involuntarily as Kelly’s warm tongue runs over the tip. _Oh. Fuck._

=== 

Pam really can't believe what she's watching right now. Kelly is giving Pam's boyfriend a blowjob. And from the looks of things, a pretty good one. 

She thinks, _Hopefully not better than me._ The thought makes her frown, but for only a second, because she catches Jim staring at her, and she can tell he's not thinking about Kelly right now.

Holy crap. This is probably the most surreal night ever.

===

Kelly stops after a couple minutes, not really wanting a mouthful of Jim. _Let that be Pam's job_ , she thinks. 

She leans back, a satisfied expression on her face. "So?" she says, with a raised eyebrow. 

"Um," Jim says. He immediately looks at Pam. Of course.

"Are we still doing this?" Pam asks her. She looks unsure. 

Fuck, _yeah,_ they're still doing this. Ryan fucking walked out on her. There is _no_ way she is ending this night without having sex with someone. Even if it is Jim (and-or Pam). Fuck Ryan. 

She nods. 

"Okay, then," Pam says hesitantly. "I guess it's your turn, then."

Kelly smirks. "I think we should just dispense with the 'Truth or Dare' stuff at this point." She looks pointedly at Jim. "I want you to fuck Pam until I tell you to stop."

Now, Jim looks unsure. 

What’s wrong with these two? Kelly wonders. They've already gone this far. What's the big deal?

"Here?" he asks.

"No, Jim, in my living room -- yeah, _here._ "

===

Something about Kelly's bossy tone takes him off-guard and he can't decide whether he's scared or turned on, but the next thing he knows, Pam's mouth is pressed up against his, and there's that familiar taste mixed with the knowledge that she'd just been kissing Kelly. He feels himself getting hard again. God.

===

Kelly's behind her, unzipping the back of her dress, and she can feel Jim's erection pressing against her stomach. Holy crap, she thinks again. _Is this really happening?_

She leans back just slightly and releases her arms from around Jim as Kelly slips the straps of Pam's dress down her shoulders. She feels inexplicably light all of a sudden as her dress falls to the floor. She's naked, save for her underwear, and Pam silently thanks herself for remembering to wear a matching bra and panty. That thought quickly leaves her head, however, as she feels Kelly's fingers slide under the waistband of her underwear and start to pull them down. At the same time, Jim reaches around to remove her bra. She feels a sudden rush of sensation down there and realizes she's getting very wet.

The feeling is confirmed when she feels a pair of fingers (is it Kelly's or Jim's? She's embarrassed to admit that she's not exactly sure) reach up and start to gently stroke her there. She bucks unconsciously at the touch. 

"You like that?" she hears Kelly whisper into her ear.

"Mm," she mumbles.

"I want you to turn around and kneel on the bed," she says.

"All right..." Pam breathes. She tries not to think about what's really happening. It's just ... happening. And God, Jim is about to fuck her -- finally. She leans her head back as she feels him pressing up against her ass, his penis grazing across her skin. "I need you inside me," she tells him, her voice heavy.

"God, Pam," he says. She can hear the desire in his voice, the wanting. It makes her even wetter.

It doesn't help that Kelly's laying down next to her now, her mouth over one of Pam's breasts, her teeth grazing Pam's nipple. How the hell did Kelly know --?

"Oh!" she cries out. 

Kelly doesn't reply, but licks the nipple gently in response, running her tongue around the surface of Pam's breast. Her other hand is out of sight -- Pam glances downwards and sees Kelly touching herself. Something about that makes her groan involuntarily. 

She feels Jim guiding himself into her, and it's tight at first, but faster than usual, he's pushing into her, and she feels so wet -- more than usual, and he's going, fast, quickly, too quickly -- God, she knows he's going to come way too fast at this rate, but -- fuck, it feels so good -- 

She cries out, unable to help herself, and Kelly bites down on her nipple again, causing her to yelp suddenly.

"Fuck," she hears Kelly say, and hears the slick sound of her fingers moving in and out, then--

God, she's coming -- she's coming. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. "Ohh--!" she cries out.

===

"Fuck!" Jim says, as he feels his entire body tense up. He feels Pam clench herself even tighter around him, and his head falls back, everything becoming black, then white-hot for a couple seconds, then -- 

"Oh -- wow," he hears Pam breathe, as he collapses on top of her, sweat dripping off of his forehead.

That didn't take long, he thinks. He's surprised he came so fast, let alone at all, considering how high (and drunk) he is. Then again, he's been thinking about her all night. He forces himself to glance over at Kelly, who is now propped up on her elbow, a small smile on her face. 

He just didn't expect they would end up having sex in front of anyone else, let alone _Kelly_ , of all people.

 _Fuck. What did we just do?_ he thinks, just as the door flies open.

===

"Kelly, I was th--" 

Ryan stops short in the doorway, his eyes taking in what he's just walked in on.

Jim is bent over Pam, who's crouched over, doggy-style, on Kelly's bed, next to Kelly, who is leaning on her elbow, half-dressed, staring at them. No, scratch that. She's staring at _him_ now, a smirk on her face.

"What ... the _fuck_ is going on here?" he asks.

"What do you think, Ryan?" Kelly says. 

What a bitch. What the fuck. He leaves Kelly's room for a few minutes, and the next thing he knows, she's having a fucking threesome with Jim and Pam? What ... the _fuck?_

"Wow, um," Jim says, immediately standing up. Ryan watches him frantically search for his clothes. 

He tries not to look down at Jim's -- well. Huh. 

Pam jumps off the bed at the same time. Ryan can't help himself -- he checks out Pam's boobs, which are a helluva lot nicer than Kelly's little raisinettes. Not that he hadn't figured that, already. Everyone knew that Pam had the best rack in the office. But, man. They're even perkier than he expected, and --

"Would you mind not staring at my girlfriend?" Jim asks, obviously irritated. Ryan glances over at him. He's put on a pair of boxers, now, and is holding his jeans in front of himself. Thank God. 

"You're the one who left the bedroom door unlocked," Ryan says, raising an eyebrow. "Just be glad it was me and not Michael that walked in."

===

Michael -- _God_ , Pam thinks. That would have been a disaster. She turns around and quickly pulls her dress over her head. Kelly comes up behind her and helps her zip it up. 

She notices that Kelly hasn't gotten dressed yet. It's kind of weird.

She glances over at Jim, and nods. Jim doesn't say anything, but presses on the small of her back, pushing her towards the door.

"We'll just -- leave you to talk," Jim says, sounding embarrassed. 

Yes, it was good that Michael didn't walk in, but it wasn't much better that Ryan came in. Fuck. Especially since, technically, he was their boss -- or, their boss's boss, but, still. He wouldn't fire them, would he? Shit. What if he fired them; called it "downsizing?" 

She can't afford to lose her job right now. 

Pam starts to feel tears well up in her eyes. Crap.

She's never going to smoke pot again. Ever.

===

The door closes behind him, and Ryan immediately turns to Kelly. "Dude. Seriously. What the _fuck_ was that, Kelly?"

"What do you mean?" Kelly asks, singsong, spreading out across the width of her bed again, her hand cradling her cheek. 

Goddamn, this girl was maddening sometimes. "Did you _seriously_ just have a threesome with Jim and Pam to get back at me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ryan Howard," Kelly says, sticking her lower lip out. She frowns then. "Besides. What do you care? You just walked out on me. On my birthday."

Shit, Ryan thinks. She _did_ just have a threesome to get back at him. He shakes his head. "I can't fucking believe you, Kelly. I can't believe you would do something like that to make me jealous."

"It worked, didn't it?" Kelly asks, sitting up. She crosses her arms. "You're obviously upset. And I heard from someone that you haven't had sex in a while..."

"Dude. I _told_ Hunter not to say anything, that prick. That's why I fired him, for being such a --"

Kelly laughs. "It wasn't Hunter, Ryan, trust me." She stands up then, crossing the room to where he's standing. Her finger hooks under his chin. "Besides -- admit it. You've been missin' a little Kelly Kapoor, haven't you?"

There's that fucking smirk again. He has no idea where she gets off. He broke up with _her_. In fact, he's her boss, now. She has no right to talk to him that way, not anymore. He's about to turn and walk out, until she reaches down and grabs him -- _down there_. 

"You know, Ryan," Kelly says, her voice softening. "I never really got into the action tonight..."

He eyes her carefully. "You didn't have sex with Halpert?"

"No..." She starts stroking the outside of his pants. 

He feels himself starting to get hard. Damn it. 

"And, you know -- I was thinking maybe you'd want a little bit of the old Kelly mouth magic..." Her eyes drift downward.

He swallows. It takes him a half-second, but he remembers that he's still mad at Kelly for screwing around with Jim and Pam. "Wait," he says, grabbing her shoulder. "What _did_ you do tonight, anyway?"

"You mean with them?" Kelly shrugs. "I made out with Pam."

Huh, he thinks. The picture suddenly becomes very vivid in his mind, and his hand absentmindedly slips from her shoulder down to her ass. Kelly has a nice ass. He imagines Pam reaching around and squeezing it as she kissed Kelly, their tongues exploring each other's mouths, their breasts pressing up on one another... 

Ryan finds himself squeezing her supple bottom. He knows he has to at least sound like he's still upset. Because he is. Sort of. 

"I don't know, Kelly. I mean -- Jim and Pam? Really?"

"I know, right?" Kelly says, starting to unbutton his shirt. He realizes she hasn't waited for his answer. "But it was pretty hot, and, you know, I didn't think you were coming back, so..."

"Yeah, well, I guess..." He trails off, his hand sliding back up to the strap of her bra. 

"You guess what?" she asks, pushing his shirt off his shoulders. She starts working on the button of his jeans. 

"Never mind," he says, reaching around to unhook her bra. Fuck it, he thinks. He'll be back in New York City tomorrow, and won't have to think about it until the next time he comes out to Scranton. Which, to be honest, can be whenever he wants, because, after all, he is the boss, so.

===

The next day, Kelly updates her MySpace blog:

_Had a great birthday party. Lots of craaaaazy stuff happened, you know how that goes LOL. BTW, Ryan, if you're reading this, ILU!_

She changes her profile Relationship Status from "It's Complicated" to "In a Relationship." That afternoon, she calls Darryl to let him know she thinks they're better off just being friends. And that she's sorry about what she said about his daughter.


End file.
